This story was written by Bob's Wife, Teias.
Bob (aka Duck) and I (Teias) have been together for 15 years, married for 14, with the past 2 years being the longest, consecutive amount of time that we’ve actually spent together as a family. When Duck was using he would come and go during the night. He would drop by to sleep and eat and then disappear. Our marriage was full of abuse. Mental, verbal, and physical. He had several girlfriends over the years. He used to steal my make-up and clothes to give to other women. He even took my wedding ring. Bob would go to our son’s, (Trafton) baseball games and would be so intoxicated that he would pass out under a tree or in the outfield. He only weighed 140 pounds at 6’2”. Duck overdosed in our house twice. He had to be admitted to King City Hospital on a 5150. Our home life was so unstable that Trafton started to have panic attacks. I was so tired. I was tired of destroying myself and the kids. My son would ask me constantly why I let daddy come to the house. What he didn’t realize is I had no choice, or at least I didn’t think that I did. If I didn’t let Duck in he would force his way in. I felt like I had nowhere to go and no one to talk to. Addiction isolated our entire family. I decided to move to Salinas in hopes of getting away from my husband. Unfortunately he followed me. I was making plans to move to Colorado if he didn’t leave us alone in Salinas.
Then one day I got a call from the hospital informing me that Bob had been in an accident. He rolled his truck due to driving under the influence. The cops found stolen property and paraphernalia in his vehicle. He had been living in his truck as far as I knew. I asked them why they were calling me and not his girlfriend. I didn’t go to the hospital. He showed up at my back door that night, and of course I let him in. He took off a couple of days later and I didn’t see him again until he called me and wanted me to pick him up for court. They arrested him when he went to court on June 13, 2013, and he stayed there until Mike Casey picked him up in September the same year.
Bob had found out about The Bridge while he was in jail and asked me to call for him to get information. Michele explained that Bob had to write letters to them telling them what he had done and then they would look at his letters and decide if they were going to accept him. This time it was all on Bob. He had to actually work to get into the program. When he was in jail he wrote to me and The Bridge and on September 30, 2013, Mike Casey picked him up from jail. Our entire lives changed that day. Trafton and I weren’t allowed to see or speak to Bob during the 45 day blackout period that The Bridge has when a new person arrives. When we did see him we both noticed the change immediately.
I started to volunteer at The Grille which is the restaurant at the church where Bob was working. Trafton started to see a counselor and his panic attacks went away. He even told the counselor that he didn’t need to see her anymore. Bob and I started counseling with Pastor Mike as a couple. It was really hard at first. We hated each other! It was difficult to get past all of the lying, cheating, and using. We became a family under construction. The church helped us get back on our feet. We all started to attend services together.
Trafton got baptized by his own dad and it was amazing! Duck has had a full time job for the past year and half. Our son is playing football and is a straight A student. As for Duck and me, life is good. We just have to keep our shields up and watch for those arrows. We communicate a lot better than we used to. We do things as a family now. We actually took Trafton to his first pro baseball game. That was something that I never dreamed we would ever be able to do. Duck still lives in The Bridge House. When he graduated he didn’t feel like he was finished or ready to come home. So he asked if he could stay and help. He is a house manager now and seems to take a lot of pride in helping the other guys get and stay sober. It hasn’t been easy but he’s made it with God’s help and grace. God has to be in our lives for so many amazing changes to have taken place.